


That I Was Once By Your Side 내가 너의 곁에 잠시 살았다는 걸 [Completed]

by cheonssamja



Category: Buzz (Korea Band), Super Junior, 아는 형님 | Knowing Bros | Ask Us Anything
Genre: Angst, Breakup, M/M, short fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-07 09:54:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14668593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheonssamja/pseuds/cheonssamja
Summary: Kyunghoon and Heechul dated for the two years they filmed Knowing Brothers. It was until it felt too much that their relationship went downhill. When Heechul begins to date someone else to start over, he doesn't realize that Kyunghoon still loves him.





	1. Chapter 1

 

_I thought that I would forget your memories_

  _a night drinking alcohol with my friends_

_your thought makes it difficult for me_

_I lived in this way, always alone_

_I believed you were my savior_

_before getting farther away_

_will you remember only this please?_

_the fact that I lived once by your side_

_Once in a while, thinking I might bump into you on the street,at the mirror_

_I look at myself_

_You aren’t sick, are you? I’m very worried_

_Though you must be happy, I will pray for your sake_

_Remember, even when you meet someone else,_

_I once lived by your side_

_I could smile every time I looked at you_

_You had became my little shelter, before going far away_

_will you remember only this please?_

_the fact that I lived once by your side._

 

_\--_

 

“We can’t keep dragging this on when we do not match. The only reason I didn’t talk to you about a breakup before is because I was afraid we would make the show awkward but now fuck it. I’m tired of this relationship and I’m tired of acting like I’m happy when I’m not.”

 

There is an unmistakable edge of fear in the other eyes and Heechul doesn’t know if he could keep on going with this but it is too late to turn back. He shakes his head slightly, forcing his thought back in the right direction. This time he has to end it, he has been too immersed in Kyunghoon’s feelings and safety that he has not even acknowledged his own emotions.

 

Now that they were sitting outside, alone on the bench, Heechul decided it is time to put his foot down and convey his hidden feelings.

 

“W-When did you start to feel unhappy with me?” Kyunghoon’s words were a mere whisper. 

 

Heechul suddenly feel a loss of words, his heart beats rapidly in his chest, as he looks straight into his old-lover eyes, Kyunghoon’s brown eyes seeming to penetrate into his, so familiar and yet so strange. Kyunghoon’s voice is soft and quiet as he blinks away the tears starting to form in his brown eyes.

 

“When I realized that sometimes I really fall for the guests that come to the show. At first I was just messing around because I had you, but then later I realized I was also lying to myself. We argued a lot before because you were always jealous when I was flirting with them and at first I got really upset by that, because you also flirt with them as part of variety, but then you flirt for variety and I flirt because I did have some interest. I guess the truth is that people kept thinking I was gay so I thought maybe I could be, so I wanted to be with you to try out-”

 

“Was I an experiment for you to test your sexuality?” Kyunghoon raise his voice, ears turning red from the way Heechul’s words felt like splashing cold water to his face.

 

The sound of approaching footsteps from random people makes Heechul signal Kyunghoon to calm down. It was dark and cold outside but it’s the only place they were able to be without people recognizing them.

 

Kyunghoon lets out a silent sigh and turns to Heechul. “Did you perhaps find someone else?”

 

“No…I just want to end things before starting over. I don’t feel excited when seeing you anymore and I feel guilty towards you. I already told you before we started dating, I cannot make long commitments and stay in a long relationship, to be honest, I’m surprised we lasted two years.”

 

The words were hard to say and hard to receive. Kyunghoon knows he isn’t misinterpreting anything because every word sounds so clear. On the contrary, Heechul doesn’t seem to falter while speaking anymore, it seems like he already made his decision. In fact, Heechul never sounded as confident as this.

 

Kyunghoon’s eyes start to water as he wipes them away with his hand. He wishes this was all perhaps a fragment of his imagination but it wasn’t. It was the cold reality. He looks up at the dark sky to recollect his thoughts. It’s been two years together and he cannot imagine being with someone other than Heechul.

 

“Is it the way I acted that made you unhappy or bored? My personality? Or because you were tired of dating a guy?”

 

“It’s everything Kyunghoon! I been so stressed and thinking about this break up for months but I couldn’t do it because we work together. I didn’t want the hyungs to worry and ruin the show. I’m honestly hoping you could let me go and we act like when we first met, go back to being strangers...”

 

“Did you love me at all?”

 

“Of course I did Kyunghoon. I loved you a lot.”

 

“Then how could you end this relationship so easily?”

 

“Sometimes things happen that we don’t expect…”

 

Kyunghoon reach out and grabs Heechul’s hands, both looking at each other in the eyes. “So you don’t have any feelings left for me? B-Be honest…”

 

Heechul feels like shit because he knows that the next word he says will completely end their relationship and possibly their friendship. Kyunghoon looks so broken but Heechul already knows what his heart is thinking. He is willing to take on great hardship and get cursed out by others and hated on by Kyunghoon now than lie and keep acting like he’s still in love with the other.

 

“Yes, I have zero feelings left for you.”

 

He didn’t miss the way Kyunghoon lets go of his hands and wipes away the tears in his eyes. 50% of his body wants to reach out and stop Kyunghoon from crying, to wipe away those tears but the other half knew that he could not lead Kyunghoon on anymore.

 

Kyunghoon doesn’t say anything and stands up from the bench. He pulls the heavy jacket closer around him and looks at Heechul, he finds himself thinking he is rather strange, getting dumped and not knowing where to go from here. Thinking back on it, Heechul must have found him very suffocating if Heechul decided to leave him like this.

 

“Let me grab a taxi for you.” Heechul takes Kyunghoon’s hand but Kyunghoon pulls away. They walk silently beside each other and Heechul waves a taxi over. He opens the door for Kyunghoon, as if it’s his last nice gesture and Kyunghoon gets inside not saying a word.

 

 Heechul could see the other man trying his best to hold his tears so it’s better if he talks to the driver. “Ahjussi, can you take him to Namyangju? It is a far ride so I’ll pay the fee now.”

 

“It will cost extra, for distance and the fact that it is dark out now.”

 

“It’s fine.” Heechul hands the taxi driver 60,000 won. Before he closes the door, he looks at the younger man and ruffles Kyunghoon’s hair, he probably seems like a bigger asshole trying to be the good guy when he dumped the other but it’s the only way to let his conscience not eat him away. He let his thoughts depart from the sorrow and smiles at Kyunghoon. “Go home safe ok? Don’t get sick and be careful of the cold.”

 

Kyunghoon doesn’t say anything, but after Heechul closes the door, finally the tears fall out of his eyes.

 

He tries to keep his crying silent, afraid to make the taxi driver annoyed. The man was a lot older than he was and focusing on the road, the last thing he wanted to do is distract the driver. Kyunghoon looks out the window and wipes away his tears with his jacket. He cared and cherished Heechul more than words could express, till now he doesn’t know what he did wrong.

 

“Aigoo why are you crying so much when you’re so loved?”

 

The ahjussi’s kind words cause Kyunghoon to cry even harder. He covers his face with his hands and the tears running down his face were unstoppable. He is glad the taxi driver doesn’t know he’s famous or else this situation would be more humiliating.

 

_This will be a long ride._

 

After several minutes, he calms down and wipes away his remaining tears and tries to recollect his thoughts. “I-I’m sorry for making this awkward for you ahjussi…” he says in a genuine tone.

 

The moment the taxi driver hears his choked up voice, he lets out a smile and continues driving calmly. “Not awkward at all. I’ve been working as a driver for so many years so I’ve had many different types of customers. I just hope you will feel better because tears don’t suit your face, a smile makes everyone more beautiful.”

 

It feels strange to be comforted by a taxi driver but at that moment Kyunghoon feels like he really needed it.

 

\--

 

_Kim Heechul reportedly on a date with Wonder Girl’s ex member- Ahn Sohee!_

_Yesterday night Heechul was caught picking up Sohee in his car. The two walked around together and held hands._

_SM Entertainment has not made any statements._

 

That was fast. Kyunghoon isn’t the type to ever watch Television or check out news online but he finds himself curious knowing every movement about Heechul. His surroundings were remarkably too calm compared to the pain he felt inside. He inclines his head and looks at the other pictures Dispatch took of the couple, his mind has gone weirdly numb seeing how happy the two looked together.

 

It’s only been around 3 days since the break up, it’s impossible to imagine Heechul moving on this fast. Judging from the pictures, it seems like they wanted to get caught dating. When Heechul was with him, they kept everything on the down low, Heechul never held his hands in public nor kiss him (not even in the car.)

 

In the pictures, Heecul was suppressing a smile but he looks like he has the whole world.

 

Kyunghoon rubs his eyes seeing that his tears were falling all of a sudden.

 

\--

 

“What do you mean you want to quit Knowing Brother? Are you in your right mind?” His manager Kang Minhyuk yells at him, making him feel so small again. “You have been inactive for so long and now you are gaining so much fame from the show and you want to quit again? What is wrong with you Kyunghoon?! Think before you say something so ridiculous.”

 

Granted, his manager makes a lot of sense but right now he isn’t exactly in the right mindset to go back to shooting the show with Heechul there. He still has feelings for the other and he does not want to play it off like nothing happened between them when part of his life is taken away from him. He spent two years with Heechul, he gave everything he could and adjusted himself to fit Heechul’s type because he was so in love with the other, now going back to just playing around and laughing, it isn’t that easy.

 

“I’m tired of being the breadwinner for the company. I-I want a break…”

 

Minhyuk seemingly out of instinct, approaches Kyunghoon slowly and grabs his shoulder. “Min Kyunghoon what is going on? You had a long enough break and recently gaining a lot of newer fans, at this peak you want a break? I have never met someone so stupid.”

 

Minhyuk feels guilty when he notices Kyunghoon stiffens and tears forming in his eyes. Kyunghoon rubs his eyes with both of his hands and turns to leave the room but the hand that grabs on his wrist permits him from leaving.

 

“I got dumped hyung! I gave someone everything and it wasn’t enough to make him stay. I don’t want to shoot the show with someone I still have feelings for because it hurts so much just thinking of him and someone else being happy while I am not.”

 

Minhyuk doesn’t say anything else so Kyunghoon pulls his wrist away from the other and leaves. He’s made up his mind and he isn’t going to change his decision.


	2. Chapter 2

The atmosphere is intense with the CEO staring at him with both of his hands flat on the table. It was obvious that this would happen and he is usually known as the crazy one in the industry, but seeing someone stare at him so intensely makes him uncomfortable.

 

“I still don’t understand why you did so many skinships knowing that Dispatch catches everything. You know that fans do not like their idols dating.”

 

“I am old enough and my fans are also older Sajangnim…” Heechul just wants to release a letter expressing his relationship with Sohee but Kim Youngmin isn’t having any of that. Truthfully all of Korea should know he always had a crush on Sohee and now that they are together, it shouldn’t be a shock to anyone at all, but of course the company cares about their reputation and the money fans brings in.

 

“Fine, we will release a statement that you two are together. How long have you two been together?” Kim Youngmin knows there is no use arguing with Heechul because he will not back down.

 

“If we say a couple days then fans would think I’m rushing and showcasing my relationship too fast…say three months then.”

 

\--

 

It was bad to release that to the public because everyone on Knowing Brothers questioned him when he arrived at the filming set. The brothers were as close to him as his members so they all knew of his relationship with Kyunghoon, the problem is they also knew Kyunghoon quit recently and now the news of him and Sohee together 3 months ago, driving everyone to assume he cheated on Kyunghoon.

 

“I didn’t cheat. We broke up and then I got with Sohee....”

 

“But you two got together right after you ended your relationship with Kyunghoon...” Youngchul’s voice isn’t happy and sounds very serious. Both Heechul and Kyunghoon were like younger brothers to him and he cannot pick sides, but right now it was so messy. “Kyunghoon has gotten so many hate messages online about leaving the show and abandoning us while you found someone else so easily.”

 

“It wasn’t easy! It was so hard breaking up with Kyunghoon. I knew it would cause a problem within work so I kept delaying the right time to break up with him and it finally happened. I didn’t think he would quit the show though.”

 

“You out of all people should know he has a glass like personality, remember his depression before he went to the military…?” Youngchul doesn’t want to be tough on Heechul because this relationship is between the two of them, but the studio will feel so empty without Kyunghoon.

 

Hodong lets out a sigh and stands up from his seat, “We have a show to shoot soon and the guest will also arrive soon. Let’s give the audience laughter like always and not burden the guests about this.”

 

“Kyunghoon is always the one that laughs at my jokes…” Youngchul whispers to himself but everyone hears it. They all miss Kyunghoon as well but no one knew what to do.

 

\--

 

Kyunghoon’s room looks almost destroyed. The desk overturns, contents spills onto the floor, and messy books from a nearby shelf, their pages torn.

 

Seeing his members right now isn’t exactly what he has in mind. The latter begins shaking slightly and a couple blankets were spread over his body, he is naturally always sensitive to the cold but seeing the four guys surrounding him, their presence are making him feel more cold. His band decided to visit him at his house knowing that he doesn’t like to go out, but the look upon their faces were just cold.

 

Kyunghoon plays with the hem of the blanket, thinking that he just wants to curl into a ball and hide under it forever. His group argues a lot about trivial things and since he is the youngest, he doesn’t really like to interfere, but now it’s about him.

 

“We disbanded in 2007 and went through a lot of hardships to get back together, but now you just want to quit the industry for good because of your ex?” Yejun’s voice raise showing how angry he is. It’s so hard to be the leader of this band when they just keep quitting because they want to and especially Kyunghoon who just does whatever he wants.

 

Woohyun nods in agreement with the leader. “When we decided to come back together we decided that no matter how much we argue, we cannot just break up the team or leave anyone behind. Did you forget that?”

 

“Hyung…you found Na Dokyun to replace me before…” Kyunghoon says in a whisper but Yejun hears it.

 

“He replaced you because you went solo when we were doing our military service you brat!” Yejun gets on top of the bed and grabs Kyunghoon’s shoulder trying to shake some sense into him before Junki and Sunghee tries to break them apart. It is like the leader to get fired up but it’s understandable because being a leader is a lot of stress.

 

The air within the room is thick, Kyunghoon’s breathing slightly strain and each rasping breath he takes fills the air in the silent room. Sunghee sits on the bed besides Kyunghoon and stares into his empty eyes. “Hoonie, we are all married, but before that we understand the feeling of love and bad relationships. Just think of Heechul as a bad relationship, you will find someone better than him. There are so many people out there, you are known to having the most fanboys in Korea…why let Heechul knock your confidence down?”

 

Kyunghoon’s body tense, his mouth opens and close several times before he was finally able to speak, his voice hoarse and broken.

 

“Heechul hyung made me realize I liked men…before that I only dated girls and when I broke up with them, I felt sad but it quickly went away. Being with Heechul hyung felt different, not just because he’s a guy but because I really fell for him…I did everything to make sure he wouldn’t fall out of love with me, I gave him everything I had” Kyunghoon’s lip trembles as he speaks, “he found someone else before breaking up with me, a person he admired for years…I didn’t even know that they have been dating for 3 months...”

 

“That bastard cheated on you?” Junki’s expression changes dramatically in the span of a moment. Gone was the kindness of the member and replaced with a look of pure disgust. “How dare he let you suffer alone while he made sure he got the celebrity crush of his life before leaving you?”

 

“We can’t do anything about that though” Yejun cuts in, “Guys we are all older now and so is Super Junior. We cannot go around arguing like kids. Fine Heechul cheated on Kyunghoon but what can we do? He isn’t going to magically come back to Kyunghoon because he feels guilty. He cheated and with Sohee now and their relationship is also confirmed to the public. Kyunghoon right now all you can do is let him go and-”

 

“And what hyung? Go back to acting like everything is okay? I spent half my life in the entertainment industry and never once was I happy. We were always arguing and disbanded, I went out solo alone and felt so much depression from what the public were saying about me…I gained so much weight and even after I lost it, everyone said I was too skinny and looked like a beggar. The company kept putting pressure on me and despite their intentions on making me famous and big again, I was never happy. The only time I felt happiness is the last two years with Heechul hyung…” Kyunghoon lets the tears fall from his eyes and his hearts beats faster. “That happiness is now gone…”

 

“So being with the band is nothing compared to Heechul?” Now Yejun is even more upset and looks at Kyunghoon’s gaze who is fix firmly on the floor. “You know what? Fine. We won’t pressure you, you can do your own thing like you always do because you do not even know the line between people who care for you and people who doesn’t. You may be 33 years old Kyunghoon but you are still childish, you don’t know anything because you are always in your room. You have the capacity to turn many guys gay and can do so much to prove to Heechul you’re not weak but instead you run away from it. Heechul has the upper hand because right now he can see you as pathetic, just like the rest of the world.” Yejun motions the other members to leave the room and close the door.

 

When they walk into the van Sunghee lets out a heavy breath he was holding. “Hyung, I know you were trying to teach Kyunghoon a lesson but isn’t it too much? He just got dumped by someone he really loved a week ago…”

 

“I want him to prove to Heechul that he’s much better than that. If Heechul can find someone else, why can’t Kyunghoon? Instead he wants to drop reality show and quit singing. He has so much talent and it’s restricted by a guy.”

 

“We are all married” Junki cuts in, “Maybe Kyunghoon feels like he wasted two years with someone he saw potential with and now back to square one. I mean I don’t see why you guys aren’t furious about what happened…Kyunghoon really gave everything to Heechul, he expressed his deepest fears and all his emotions that sometimes he is afraid of telling us, he poured out everything and learned different skills to impress Heechul. Then suddenly he finds out Heechul has been with Sohee for three months.”

 

“People cheat all the time” Woohyun shrugs his shoulder, “The world now is different…”

 

\--

 

A month later, it seems like the media has died down and Heechul is able to relax without the company calling him in for conferences and making statements. Dating is such a huge crime in Korea.

 

“Till now I still don’t know why you wanted to get caught by the media.” Heechul changes the channel on the TV while Sohee tries to prepare food for the two of them. They are in her apartment because it’s the only way to be alone.  

 

“If we got caught that means it will make the news…I just wanted Kyunghoon to see it and not cling onto you. You finally asked me out after breaking up with him and I was afraid that he will be back to convince you otherwise.”

 

“Do you still not trust me? He should’ve been more jealous of you because everyone knows I had a ridiculous crush on you since 2007.”

 

“Then get your ass up and help me prepare dinner!” Sohee whines and stomps her feet. Heechul sigh and gets up from the couch, he knows he cannot win when she showcase her cuteness.

 

He doesn’t know how to cook at all but here Sohee is, forcing him to make the food and he is clueless where to start. 

 

“Don’t tell me Kyunghoon cooked for you the whole time.”

 

“Yeah, he told me he joined the show _what shall we eat today_ to learn how to cook for me.” Heechul smiles to himself when he recalls how proud Kyunghoon looks even though his meals were a fail at first, but he was so cute trying to cook because Heechul always complimented him.

 

“I thought he was just flirting with the MCs on the show and showcasing a bunch of aegyo. I didn’t know he really cooked for you.”

 

“Of course he tried to cook for me. But what do you mean showcasing a bunch of aegyo? He is naturally cute, he doesn’t do it to flirt with people.”

 

“It looked like flirting to me, he made Shin Dongyup and Sung Sikyung say they fell for him and practically made a love triangle on the show fighting for him. I was really wondering why people kept calling Min Kyunghoon cute like a puppy when he’s more like a conniving fox.”

 

“He is really innocent and the most pure person I’ve met and I guess all the hyungs think the same. His trash personality on Knowing bros is to be entertaining. He has never fell for any of the guests on the show either, he only does it because he’s curious about them, he isn’t a flirt and definitely not a fox type.”

 

“Why do you sound so defensive? Did I say something to hurt your ex?”

 

There are several things in the world that Heechul doesn’t understand and one of them is probably woman. He hasn’t fully grasp the situation because suddenly Sohee takes off her apron and throws it on the counter.

 

“Why are you so upset? What did I say wrong?” Heechul asks.

 

Unbelievably Sohee was too angry to leave, she looks at Heechul and studies his expression. “Another reason I wanted to get caught by Dispatch early is because I wanted them to know our relationship is serious. I didn’t know even after a month you are still defending your ex. I’m saying from my observation is that Kyunghoon tends to play the cutesy act to make men like him, which is why more than half of his fan base are male. This is from my point of view, I just think that he is not as innocent as he portrays.”

 

Heechul’s mind freezes for a moment, not sure how to assimilate this dreadful situation. Perhaps he has been with Kyunghoon for too long and used to Kyunghoon’s simple thinking that he cannot adjust to Sohee yet. “I don’t even know how we got to this conversation. Kyunghoon and I ended our relationship and we haven’t talked since then, I don’t see why you have to badmouth him though, because I have been with him for 2 years and I know how he is.”

 

“Do you still like him?”

 

“Eh? If I still liked him would I have dumped him for you?”

 

Sohee sigh and walks closer to Heechul, “I guess I overreacted. I’m sorry…I just felt jealous all of a sudden.”

 

“You don’t have to be…I don’t have any feelings left for him.”

 

Suddenly his phone rings and he rushes over to the table to pick it up. “Yeah Teuk, what’s up?”

 

“Kyunghoon is at our dorm right now…at first we thought he was here to find you but he hasn’t mentioned about you. He’s in Donghae’s room right now and they’re talking. To be honest, I thought Kyunghoon never leaves his house but maybe he misses you…”

 

“I-I’ll be back soon, I’m with Sohee right now.”

 

He hangs up the phone and sees a curious Sohee looking at him. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing…let’s continue cooking.”  

 

\--

 

Heechul comes back home later that night, in time to see Kyunghoon exit Super Junior’s shared apartment. They have their own house but the apartment is for them to have gatherings together incase some gets bored or lonely.

 

Heechul is surprised Kyunghoon is in Seoul, the guy never leaves his house.

 

Kyunghoon has lost a lot of weight and it was easy to tell, Heechul is a bit worried seeing the man in front of him. It really seems like the time Kyunghoon lost a bunch of weight after bulimia and became skinny as a skeleton. 

 

“Kyunghoon, what are you doing here?”

 

“It’s been a month since we last talked” Kyunghoon’s voice sounds like a whisper but Heechul comprehends everything. “I-I just wanted to see you.”

 

“Why? Did you have something to say to me?”

 

“N-No…I-” Kyunghoon tries to avoid eye contact by looking at the ground, looking at Heechul makes him feel so nervous. “I haven’t seen you in so long so I just wondered how you’re doing…I-I missed you…”

 

Being with Kyunghoon for 2 years, Heechul knows that Kyunghoon is very honest, the guy cannot keep anything hidden and as much as he also missed Kyunghoon, he’s afraid that this relationship would make Sohee misunderstand.

 

“I’m doing fine, but Kyunghoon-ah if Sohee is around, we cannot be seen with each other. She will get jealous and I am afraid of hurting her.”

 

Heechul doesn’t even know why he is so blunt sometimes, but it’s the only way to make the point clear without any misunderstandings. He sees the way Kyunghoon looks at him, his eyes fill with sadness and emptiness in them.

 

“Y-You really forgot about me…I-I must look so pathetic right now” Kyunghoon’s voice is broken and his heart feels heavy again. He took an hour train from his city to Seoul just to see Heechul but in return Heechul never wanted to see him. Heechul is afraid of hurting Sohee but what about him? He’s been so hurt by Heechul that he doesn’t know what to do anymore. It’s the first time he left the house and to be greeted this way feels worst than getting physically hurt.

 

“It’s not that Kyunghoon, it’s just I’m afraid because you know, I have a new girlfriend right now.”

 

“You are afraid of hurting her but what about me? You cheated on me.”

 

“I didn’t cheat on you. I broke up with you and then dated her. The whole 3 months thing was just so the fans don’t think I got in a couple days relationship and then already show skinship in public.”

 

“Do you think I would believe that? You must have had something with her before dumping me.”

 

“Fine! I had something with her and then dumped you. Did you want to hear that? Then fine. I felt our relationship was already going downhill and wanted to break up but I was afraid of things getting awkward during filming. She was there for me and my old crush on her started coming back so then I finally had the guts to end things with you. Now that I said everything, do me a favor and just don’t show up in front of me again.”

 

Kyunghoon’s eyes gets blurry from the amount of tears filling them up, hot tears runs down his face and he doesn’t even bother to wipe them away anymore. He doesn’t know how many tears he has cried for the man in front of him but even if he cried a whole lake, Heechul will not return to him.

 

“Y-You’re a jerk and I am a fool for loving a jerk. I won’t show up in front of you anymore and I’m sorry I bothered you so much...”   

 

Heechul doesn’t want this to happen but it was for Kyunghoon’s own good. He doesn’t want Kyunghoon to still have feelings for him and he wants the latter to move on, find better people. Kyunghoon walks away without another word and Heechul enters the apartment with a heavy heart.

 

His eyes widen at the amount of food on the table and sees Leeteuk and Donghae still there.

 

“You haven’t had dinner right hyung?” Donghae asks, “Kyunghoon hyung prepared these for you while waiting for you to come back. He said he learned a lot of cooking skills from Shin Dongyup and Sung Sikyung sunbaenim and wanted to showcase them.”

 

“He is too kind to me and I honestly don’t deserve it. So I told him to not show up in front of me again. You should enjoy his cooking because he won’t come anymore.”

 

Donghae looks at Leeteuk and even the leader is speechless. They didn’t want to interfere with the messy relationship either so both remained quiet.

 

\--

 

Author’s Note: When did this one shot become a short story……………honestly at this point idk how to even make an ok ending. It’s full on angst.  

 


	3. Someone else 다른 사람

_ Kim Heechul and Wonder Girl’s ex member- Ahn Sohee reported to have broken up. _

_ The couple was together for 7 months before ending their relationship recently. _

_ Both sides will remain as good friends. _

 

\--

 

It wasn’t new for Heechul and his quick relationships, though his members were surprised he lasted 4 months with Sohee, he’s just surprised that he didn’t last longer considering how much he adored her back then. It’s crazy to think he managed to last 2 years with a guy but girls are all under 4 months.

 

Maybe it was because Kyunghoon puts up with him and they had a lot of common interest. Come to think of it, it’s been a long time since he has last seen Kyunghoon. The hyungs all miss him but they wouldn’t ever bring up Kyunghoon’s name when Heechul is around, they didn’t want to attempt to barge into that sad past. Even with Janghoon always saying he will get back at Heechul for teasing him about his divorce, he never did and Heechul knows it’s because they were all close and he couldn’t bear hurt them.

 

He comes to the shooting looking fine as normal but the hyungs looks uncomfortable. He surveys them unconsciously and could see a potent grief they had for him even though he himself doesn’t think much of it. 

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“We saw the news. Are you okay?”

 

He nods and shows his very tough and brave exterior, “I had many failed relationships, this is just another to add to the list.” There was a flicker in his eyes that told the hyungs he was a bit vulnerable but keeping it hidden.

 

“We should go drinking after the shoot. It’s been awhile since we had a get together.” Hodong suggests and Heechul couldn’t disagree. His devotion to the show is quite strong and to the hyungs was stronger. 

 

\--

 

Seeing everyone laughing and sharing their stupid stories really lifted Heechul’s spirit. He laughs like usual as he tells his story, how he will probably never find love. Though his chest feels constricted with primal fear, he still knows that love is impossible to find.

 

Soogeun looks at Heechul and upon closer consideration, he finds it best just to open up. “You know when you and Kyunghoon were together, we all thought it was ridiculous at first, but that was your longest relationship. Do you talk to Kyunghoon anymore?”

 

Wasting no time Heechul answers quickly, “nope. Actually I haven’t seen him at all but I assume it’s because he doesn’t leave his house, it would be hard to run into him.”

 

“Then I hope you don’t get mad but I invited Kyunghoon to dinner.” Hodong says rapidly but Heechul heard everything. 

 

“What? How did you get him to agree?” Youngchul mind is barely processing the situation. There was a bit of a conflict between all of them so it’s surprising that Kyunghoon is willing to come. 

 

“Well I said we missed him a lot and if he doesn’t meet us then we are not considered his brothers anymore. Truth be told, I also said harsh words but I finally made him agree. You’re okay with it right Heechul?”

 

Heechul couldn’t contain his happiness to say the least. He hasn’t seen Kyunghoon for so long and his heart races even faster. He tries to remain calm with a monotonic tone saying he is fine with the situation but inside he is very excited. 

 

After 10 minutes, Kyunghoon slowly walks inside the restaurant seeing his hyungs drinking while grilling meat. He politely bows to them and Sangmin pulls him into a comforting hug. Heechul glances at Kyunghoon and couldn’t look away while he is greeting the other hyungs, Kyunghoon has gotten skinnier but not stick skinny like when they last met in front of his dorm. He is also back to wearing his glasses and Heechul isn’t sure if this was supposed to happen but when he sees Kyunghoon smile, his heart does a rapid turn. He was sure he has fallen out of love with Kyunghoon when he dumped the other, but what is this feeling he cannot describe?

 

Kyunghoon blinks a bit when they make eye contact and then turns his attention elsewhere when Youngchul taps on the seat besides him. It takes a great effort for Heechul to lower his eyes away from Kyunghoon but when he feels a tap on his shoulder from Soogeun signaling him to press the call button to alert the waiter that they have another guest, he finally gets back to reality.

 

“Yah my son, it has been so long since you contacted us! I was about to disown you.” Janghoon comments while handing Kyunghoon the soju bottle. 

 

“I am very sorry for quitting and disappearing on everyone.” He says sincerely while avoiding eye contact with Heechul. Heechul knows he’s the reason why Kyunghoon just gave up on everything and he kind of blames himself for knowing he is the reason but not caring about Kyunghoon at all. 

 

Kyunghoon eyes burn as he realizes everyone is staring at him and he continues. “I-I quit the entertainment industry for good because I just lost a lot of confidence in myself.” He rubs his arms and blinks while carefully thinking of the words to say, the hyungs acknowledge the fact that he is every reserved and now trying to open up to them and they’re proud of him. What came next, was more shaking with him stuttering, “My members and I don’t talk anymore and I made so many people upset, I-I also thought everyone here would hate me so I didn’t contact anymore. I-I’m really sorry. I’m very dumb and childish and I apologize.”

 

Sensing that Kyunghoon is on the verge of tearing up, Soogeun rubs his hair. “We understand it all. Don’t worry too much about it. If it takes you to get away from the entertainment industry and smile like before then I’m all up for it.” 

 

“We love you a lot. That’s why we didn’t find anyone to fill your position in hopes you would come back, but if you don’t want to, it is fine too. As long as you come to dinner and hang out with us.” Hodong sincerely says. 

 

“Why are you being so nice to me? It is so unlike you hyung.” Kyunghoon jokes so they would change the atmosphere. “Earlier you told me if I don’t come you would beat me up if we ever meet.” 

 

Hodong laughs as he makes a motion of grabbing Kyunghoon’s collar. 

 

While the members get back to eating and drinking, Heechul notice that Kyunghoon avoids all eye contact with him. Maybe their last meeting wasn’t the best when he told Kyunghoon to not show up in front of him again. He really missed how clingy Kyunghoon was before and how much the younger loved him, now it felt like they were complete strangers eating together. His thought is spinning as he looks at Kyunghoon smiling to everyone except him and he wishes he could have turned back time and be the receiving end of that smile.

 

“Are you seeing anyone now? Someone so cute is bound to find someone right?” Sangmin abrupt question makes Kyunghoon cough on his drink. He is a bit drunk at the moment so it is easier to ask him questions.

 

“I-I am” Kyunghoon shyly says as he puts down the soju bottle. “H-He’s a long time fan of mine.”

 

Heechul feels a bit bothered by the statement and he could not control his mouth. “How did you two meet? Does he treat you well?”

 

His unnecessary question turns the attention towards him. It suddenly feels wrong as Kyunghoon gives him a fast glance and then withdraws his eyes. Kyunghoon plays with the rice in his bowl, “he treats me very well.” The voice is a soft whisper and Heechul wants to slap himself for being so stupid and making the atmosphere take a 180 degree turn. 

 

Suddenly Kyunghoon cell phone rings and he excuses himself and walks outside. 

 

“Yah Kim Heechul why would you care if his new boyfriend treats him well? Are you jealous?” Youngchul raises his eyebrow in suspicion. 

 

His pride definitely got the best of himself and he feels so high in his pedestal to step down. “Why would I be jealous when I dumped him?”

 

“Well you been quiet all dinner and suddenly only talked when you became curious about his new boyfriend.”

 

“I was just curious. I don’t really care about his love life. He’s just someone I used to date.”  

 

It was a bad time to voice his opinion so loudly because Kyunghoon’s face when he returns really shows that he has heard everything. Kyunghoon isn’t very good at acting either and Heechul suddenly feels like shit again. 

 

Kyunghoon’s face, although fair and cute than ever before, is drawn with a type of disappointment. He looks at the hyungs and bows, “m-my boyfriend is picking me up because he is worried about me going home drunk. I’m sorry for leaving early.”

 

“Stay longer. I will take you home” Janghoon is trying to convince Kyunghoon to stay even though it is useless. He bows and politely excuses himself, promising he will come if he is invited next time. 

 

“The least you could do is apologize to him. What are you waiting for?” Hodong motions Heechul to get his ass up and chase after Kyunghoon. He wants them all as good brothers/friends again and for this awkward atmosphere to go away.

 

Normally Heechul would avoid listening to Hodong but his mind is wheeling around memories and thoughts that made him uncomfortable. He gets up from his seat and rushes outside the restaurant. A melancholy gaze faints in his face when he sees Kyunghoon getting into the passenger seat as the other male place a kiss on his cheeks. 

 

His finger clenches into a fist and his thoughts were consume with many hidden anger. For him, Kyunghoon has always been by his side and seeing Kyunghoon with someone else makes absolutely no sense. For it was true that he broke up with Kyunghoon, but this firm emotion states that he despises seeing someone else take what was once his. 

 

Being the idiot that he is, he clenches his fists tighter and stomps right in front of the car, stopping it from moving. 

 

The guy in the car pulls down his window and stares at Heechul strangely and Heechul should feel ashamed to result to something so embarrassing but his anger is getting the best out of him. “I want to talk to you. Can you park your car and step out alone?”

 

He is clearly begging for a different reaction of some sort but the male listens and parks the car. He looks at Kyunghoon’s expression and could see the younger totally confused and a bit upset by the way he is biting on his lips. Kyunghoon’s boyfriend gets out of the car and they talk in the corner of the restaurant. 

 

“Whatever it is, can we please hurry? I don’t want Kyunghoon to wait too long. I only made the effort to park and talk to you because you’re also a celebrity and I don’t want to be rude to people Kyunghoon knows.”

 

Under his breath he wants to yell at the other for being so blunt towards him but he is also in the wrong for stopping the car. Whatever his problem is, he did make such a rash decision. “You’re Kyunghoon’s new boyfriend? I heard you’re a fan of his. What is your name by the way?”

 

“I’m Park Taewoo and to answer your question yes I am Kyunghoon’s boyfriend. I’ve been a fan of his for 15 years. I’m not sure why this is a concern to you…”

 

“He is my ex so I care about him.”

 

Taewoo lets out a smirk and rolls his eyes. “If you really cared about him, you would not have let him cried like that. Do you know how I found him? I found him trying to end his life at Han River and I saved him. He was truly convinced he had no one because his members and his lover all left him. When he left the industry you have not once cared about him because you found someone else, I cannot believe you threw him away like trash and stepped all over him to now tell me you care about him.” Taewoo takes his frustration out on the wall besides him, too irritated to see the marks he has left on his knuckles. 

 

“W-We ended on good terms. I had no idea he wanted to end his life.”

 

“He didn’t tell me anything about you two but I figured it out on my own. I even knew you two were secretly dating for two years but I didn’t know eventually you would hurt my idol like that. He is like a gem to me and you treated him worst than a rock on the ground. You’re a shitty boyfriend.” 

 

Being told that he is shit to his face is painful because he couldn’t even deny that he was an asshole. There is no logical explanation to prove that Taewoo is wrong. He destroyed a bright and lively boy who got over his depression to fall back into that depression. 

 

“I know I made a mistake but I want to take it all back. I still love him and-” Heechul couldn’t finish his sentence because he feels a punch on the side of his face. 

 

An expression of fear or maybe even panic crosses Taewoo’s face once he realized what he has done. He attempts to divert his attention back to his car as he looks back at Heechul. “I shouldn’t have done that to you because you’re an idol and your face is important to you, but do not say you love someone that is not yours anymore. If I ever see you make another move on my boyfriend, I will not let you off this easy.”

 

Rather than fighting off the stinging pain on the side of his face, he feels more pain in his heart. His weakened self walks towards the street to see the car drive away and even though he is exhausted, the struggle to stop fighting doesn’t stop. 

 

Seeing Kyunghoon after all this time made him realize that there is no one that could understand him as well as Kyunghoon and makes him feel all this emotion. When he and Sohee broke up, the first person that crossed his mind is Kyunghoon. He truly doesn’t want to see Kyunghoon with someone else no matter how selfish that may be. 


	4. After a while 한참 지나서

_Kyunghoon, I want you to return all the gifts I have given you._

_Can we meet?_

_-Heechul_

 

With a start, Heechul realizes what an idiot he is sending that text. Deep in his heart, he knows that he isn’t pulling through with this because he wants the gifts back. This is the slight chance he has left to try to get Kyunghoon to meet him. He continuously tells himself that this isn’t necessary and he is just being a loser but the thought of Kyunghoon being with someone else doesn’t sit well with him.

 

It was his entire fault that they ended their relationship but he cannot let Kyunghoon go. Not when he realized how compatible they are and that he will probably not find someone else like Kyunghoon.

 

With a twist of pain in his chest, he lets out a heavy breath he didn’t know he was holding. What if Kyunghoon threw everything he has given him away? Then there is no more excuse to meet each other. He wants to cling into the thought that Kyunghoon wouldn’t do something like that but he was such an asshole to the younger that he would not be surprised if Kyunghoon did trash everything.

 

Suddenly his phone vibrates and his heart beats rapidly as he opens the text message.

 

_I didn’t think you’re that type of person. I keep being wrong about you._

_When and where do you want to meet?_

-Kyunghoon

 

_I can go to your house or you can come to my dorm. All the members went home…_

-Heechul

_I’ll bring everything to your dorm tonight then._

_-Kyunghoon_

_Okay ^^ be careful on your way._

_-Heechul_

Heechul doesn’t expect to see another text from Kyunghoon and he is right. Kyunghoon does seem very upset but a part of him feels happy that Kyunghoon didn’t discard all the gifts from him. Does that mean Kyunghoon still has feelings for him? It’s a ridiculous thought considering Kyunghoon has a new boyfriend right now and he’s being this pathetic but love really makes people do crazy things.

 

\--

 

When the doorbell rings, Heechul rushes to it and opens the door. He faces Kyunghoon with a huge box in his hand as he pushes it to Heechul’s chest. As Kyunghoon turns to leave, Heechul drops the box on the floor. He settles for an alternative as he holds Kyunghoon’s wrist, not letting the other go. He pulls Kyunghoon into the dorm as he shuts the door.

 

Kyunghoon’s eyes that is always filled with kindness for him has turn into darkness and despair. “What are you doing? I returned all the stuff you have given me from the last 2 years. Let go of my wrist.” Kyunghoon’s piercing eyes makes Heechul nervous for once, he has never seen Kyunghoon so angry before. Kyunghoon is always really calm and the brothers all mentioned how easy it is to tease him because he doesn’t get mad, this is the first Heechul has seem him so agitated.

 

It feels like a new experience and Heechul fear changes. “Why are you so angry? I just wanted to see your face.”

 

Kyunghoon being angry would be an understatement. His eyes were upset but there’s also a hint of sadness in them. Kyunghoon is never good at acting and he’s often teased for it, and this time his feelings were very easy to read. “See my face for what? To ask for everything you gifted me back? It’s so cheap of you and I should’ve thrown it away when you left me for someone else.”

 

“You think I did this because I wanted the stuff back? If anything I would want you to cherish them forever but I only resulted to this because it was the only thing I could’ve done to see you again. I knew you would never meet up with me so this is my last resort. I really miss you Min Kyunghoon and I wanted to see your face so much. God you have no idea how much I miss you. Your face and your whole presence is all I think about and so this is the only option I could come up with to see you again.”

 

However, Kyunghoon’s expression doesn’t change, he shakes off any lingering feelings and pulls his wrist from Heechul’s hold. “I have a boyfriend so please stop this. You didn’t think about me once when you were with Sohee and now you’re suddenly spurting all this nonsense just because the two of you broke up. I am not a rebound. I waited for you to change your mind but you were so cold, I thought of everything wrong about me for you to just leave me like that without turning back.”

 

“I know Kyunghoon! I was wrong and I am so sorry for everything.”

 

Kyunghoon shakes his head and clutches his chest. “You were bored of me, you’re only thinking about me now because you and Sohee broke up. I made you unhappy and tired and that’s why you ended it with me, you said so yourself that you have zero feelings left for me and made me stop showing up in front of you.”

 

Tears gathers in Heechul’s eyes as he looks at Kyunghoon. So this is how Kyunghoon felt before and he was too busy thinking about himself to notice it. “I was very stupid Kyunghoon but I really really love you. You are my longest relationship and that’s because I was truly in love with you.”

 

Kyunghoon bites his lips and his throat feels like sandpaper. It takes him every ounce of willpower not to just fall back into Heechul’s arms. “You don’t love me hyung because if you did, you would have never left me for someone else. It’s getting dark, I should go home.”

 

“Let me drive you.” Heechul offers and before Kyunghoon could reject, Heechul pulls him into the car. They sit together and Kyunghoon wraps himself with his hoodie, pulling the hood over his head and looking out the window.

 

Kyunghoon’s house is an hour away but right now Heechul wish it were even further just to spend more time with the other. By the time the sun has been gone from the sky a while, the darkness feels a bit more romantic. “Hoonie, do you see the moon? It’s a crescent moon too, your favorite.”

 

Kyunghoon looks up to the sky and admires the beauty of it. For some reason the night sky is so beautiful tonight. He doesn’t say a word but Heechul knows that Kyunghoon is falling in love with the beautiful sky. Instead of taking Kyunghoon home, Heechul wants to take him to see a nice scenery.

 

The road going to a higher ground makes Kyunghoon confuse as he turns to Heechul. “I thought you were taking me home. Where are we going?”

 

“You told me you love to look at the night sky because it calms you down. I want to watch the sky together.”

 

“I should be going home. Please just drive me home.”

 

It hurts to hear Kyunghoon say those words but Heechul continues driving. Sighing, he says in a whisper, “Hoonie, just let me spend a little more time with you. I’m sure after this you wouldn’t want me to bother you anymore and I have no more excuse to meet up with you.”

 

Kyunghoon looks reluctant and doesn’t reply.

 

When they get to the destination on top of a hill, Heechul stops the car. He unbuckles his seatbelt and grabs Kyunghoon’s hands, startling the other. “For goodness sake, I cannot do this anymore Kyunghoon. I feel an intense desire to be with you and protect you at all costs and I know I fucked up my chances but I am selfish and I don’t want to lose my opportunity to be with the best person.”

 

It was quick but the ambition is growing out of control. He moves towards the passenger seat and holds Kyunghoon’s face in his hands. He locks lips with the younger like they used to kiss but this kiss feels a lot different- Heechul misses this feeling. The opposed Kyunghoon tries to make an effort to push Heechul away, but the other doesn’t budge. The kiss gets more intense and before Kyunghoon realize it, he kisses Heechul back.

 

Kissing Kyunghoon is a lot different than kissing Sohee because kissing Kyunghoon signals some unspoken boundary that has been crossed and brings his heart to beat more rapidly.

 

Heechul doesn’t stop until Kyunghoon really pushes him off. He catches his breath and Heechul could see the seething annoyance on Kyunghoon’s face. “I-I shouldn’t have kissed you back. I have a boyfriend.” Kyunghoon bites his lip in worry.

 

“From the way you kissed me back, I know you still love me Hoonie. Why do you keep denying it?”

 

“Because I don’t want to set myself up to get hurt again. I left everything behind because of you. I’m tired and I worry that it will be a repetition. I don’t want to give my heart to someone that I know might step all over me again. I was so hurt and I lost my members and everyone around me, then I come to you and find out you were so happy with someone else and don’t want to see me. I felt like a burden and now I found someone that truly loves me.”

 

“I was such a jerk but Kyunghoon do you truly love him? Do you want me to kneel down and beg for you to come back because I will…”

 

Heechul is stubborn and the both of them know it well. Kyunghoon’s eyes flickers back and forth between Heechul and the leather seat of the car, for once in his life, he needs to have a backbone as he sigh to himself. “Let me think about it.”

 

\--

 

Heechul isn’t sure how long Kyunghoon needs to think because he’s dying with every seconds passing. He even contacted the Buzz members to explain it was his fault Kyunghoon quit everything and got lectured by them.

 

He is stupid and he gets it, he’s been told countless times from his own members as well. He didn’t think a mere relationship with someone he used to have feelings for would be this bad. At least a lesson he got from this is that he has completely gotten over Sohee.

 

During the third week of filming Knowing Brother, he enters as late as usual but once he reaches his waiting room, he hears laughing in Soogeun’s room. Deciding to be nosy about what all the commotion is about, he enters the waiting room to see all the members standing there in a circle, surrounding someone he treasures so much.

 

“Heechul, Kyunghoon is back!” Sangmin screams excitedly, for someone who keeps his emotion to himself, Heechul hasn’t seen him this excited before. Sangmin’s expression is like him finally paying off all his debts.

 

Kyunghoon looks up at Heechul and gives him a soft smile. Heechul walks closer to him and he places a gentle hand on Kyunghoon’s face to make sure he isn’t dreaming.

 

“Hyung, are you okay?” The soft voice has been no more than a whisper, but the sound reaches his ears like a drum and tears away his thoughts.

 

Before Kyunghoon could say anymore, Heechul pulls him in for a hug. “Kyunghoonie, you are really back.” His voice cracks at the end and he tries his best to hold in his tears.

 

Soogeun motions everyone to leave the room to let the two talk in peace. They probably have a lot of catching up to do.

 

Once everyone is gone, Kyunghoon tries to break a smile. “Hyung why are you crying?”

 

“Why wouldn’t I cry? I thought I wouldn’t see your face again because you would avoid me for the rest of your life.”

 

“I did think about avoiding you for good but in the end I decided I didn’t want to run from my problems any longer. I will start the show again and I hope we will move slower…start as being friends again.”

 

Even though Heechul would rather have Kyunghoon back as his boyfriend, that would also be moving too fast considering how much he hurt the younger. It didn’t take a long time to agree with such decision because the last thing he wanted was for Kyunghoon to feel awkward and leave again.

 

Still there is this lingering question in the back of his mind that he is afraid to ask, but with his blunt personality, he decided to just go for it. “Hoonie, are you still with that guy?”

 

It did catch Kyunghoon off guard but he sigh and slumps his shoulder. The sight of Heechul isn’t a pleasant one but one of absolute fear regarding his answer. “Taewoo hyung let me end the relationship because he wants me to be happy, doing what I was doing before. H-He also said he will keep an eye on you, and will stalk you like a sasaeng fan if you hurt me.”

 

A feeling of pleasure washes over Heechul’s face and he smiles brightly. “I am fine with being friends until you are comfortable with me again. If I hurt you, Taewoo can chop me up to pieces.”

 

“Hyung, don’t say things like that.” Kyunghoon suddenly pouts and Heechul pinches his cheeks. Kyunghoon’s natural aegyo is his weakness.

 

Before Kyunghoon could say another word, there is a knock on the door with Hodong screaming. “We have to shoot soon. You two can do whatever you want after we finish filming. We have to clear up a lot of mess because of Ssamja.”

 

Kyunghoon giggles and screams out, “Hodong you are one of the top MCs. You should clear up my mess like you did with your tax evasion.”

 

Hodong bursts in the door but before he could grab Kyunghoon, Heechul steps in between them. “Hyungg not now. Leave Kyunghoon alone.”

 

Hodong makes a motion that he will see Kyunghoon later and Kyunghoon sticks his tongue out.

 

“Before, I did really miss Kyunghoon when he wasn’t here. But now I feel like you two will torment me even more.” Hodong walks out of the room and Kyunghoon and Heechul laughs. They follow the eldest hyung and both couldn’t stop looking at each other. There was a strange sensation in the both of them as they were somehow always meant to connect with each other, that no matter what problems are thrown at them, they always find a way back to each other.

 

“I missed you a lot.” Heechul says before they enter the filming room. The confession hangs between him, thick and heavy. There’s still a doubt in his mind that Kyunghoon would want him back but Kyunghoon’s expression begs a differ.

 

Kyunghoon smiles, “I missed you too hyung.”

 

In just a matter of seconds, the warmth camaraderie between them and Heechul throws all his doubts away. _They will definitely make it work again._

 

-The End-

 

\--

 

A/N: Thank you everyone for supporting me on this story that took me forever to finish TT (this is why I stick to one shots.) I hope you enjoy it and also always support Heehoon/Kyungchul couple <3

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to make this a one-shot but it was so difficult. So I’ll turn it into a short fanfic…?


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